


push to start

by translevi



Series: love at first broken bone [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst with a Happy Ending, Annie Cries, Awkward Conversations, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Heavy Angst, Levi has anxiety, Relationship Reveal, Relationship(s), Trans Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Trans Male Character, auruo is angry, he has good reason to be though, you ever fall in love with the person that murdered ur squad? #justlevithings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-09 01:50:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8871070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/translevi/pseuds/translevi
Summary: He looks up when he hears Erd laugh, looking down at Auruo who was flushed a violent crimson with a wide grin on his face. Gunther carries the slight amusement he always has, eyes giving him away more than anything, and Petra was hiding a smile behind her hand, eyes dancing between the two of them. His grip tightens on his phone.They’re alive. It’s okay.The feeling doesn’t go away.





	

**Author's Note:**

> well  
> this got away from me

When he wakes up that morning it nags at him, a violently consistent whisper in the back of his skull that tells him something will go wrong today. He brushes it off as he gets dressed, calling out a quick “I’m headed out now” to Annie before he’s out the door, blaming the thoughts on the energy drink he had before bed last night.

It stays with him though, stays with him as his shitty old car roars to life, stays with him as he drives to the mall, stays with him all the way up to when he meets up with his squad. Normally, they would go to a cafe near here, and on the rare occasion a Starbucks. Petra had heard good things about a new coffee shop in the mall from Hanji and wanted to try it, and so everyone went along with her.

He didn’t mind, he was still spending time with them, that was why he had decided to meet up with them weekly for coffee in the first place.

He got there early as planned, in a new place he liked to scout out everything before hand, marking exists and possible places to hide. Whether it was an instinct carried over from the previous life or something he’s learned in this one he doesn’t know; he doesn’t care.

He is quick to check his messages when it vibrates twice in quick succession. One from Annie, one from the groupchat. Annie’s message informs him that she’s going out with Reiner and Bertholdt and won’t be home for an hour or two, the message from Erd tells him that they’re here.

He plays on his phone while he waits, resolutely checking for any nearby pokemon before opening up Neko Atsume to replace the food supplies in his bowls.

He looks up when he hears Erd laugh, looking down at Auruo who was flushed a violent crimson with a wide grin on his face. Gunther carries the slight amusement he always has, eyes giving him away more than anything, and Petra was hiding a smile behind her hand, eyes dancing between the two of them. His grip tightens on his phone.

They’re alive. It’s okay.

The feeling doesn’t go away.

 

They take a moment to wait around talking, taking a moment to catch up and for Levi to figure out what was going on as they walked over. Erd was picking on Auruo in the good natured way he did, as usual. They’re about to head into the shop when he hears someone call his name.

Reiner.

Annie’s friend, Reiner.

His mind blanks as the man heads over to him, grin on his face as he claps a hand down on his back, asking about how he’s been. He can see the confused look on his squad’s face; they don’t know him, they weren’t around to find out about him.

“Reiner,” He recognizes Annie’s voice. His mind is slowing to a halt. It was only Thursday, they normally met up on Saturday or Sunday. He forgot to tell her.

The other four recognize it too. They’ve never heard her talk, not before now, but they know it, deep down they know it; they know her.

“I’m going to have to ask you to stop flirting with my boyfriend.”

The silence that suddenly echoes around them is deafening, and even Reiner picks up on the subtle shift of it all and backs up a step. They’re looking at him-Erd, Gunther, Auruo, and Petra-eyes wide, searching, all asking the same question.

He breaks their gaze-can’t stand to see the echoes of the past live’s agony in them-towards where he heard Annie’s voice from. She comes into view and stops at the look in his eyes. She meets his gaze and realizes something is very, very wrong.

They can see her; she can see them.

‘Fuck.’ He thinks

Reiner backs off, mumbling a quick ‘I’m so fucking sorry.’ to Annie before dragging Bertholdt away as well, taking his cue to leave.

“Levi-- you…?” Auruo can’t finish the sentence, voice trailing off into a hopeless question.

Levi says the first and only thing that comes to mind.

“Fuck.”

~~~~

It’s been awhile since he’s genuinely wanted to die, he thinks, years of medication he hated had supposedly pumped all that out of him. But sitting next to her, feeling her shake beside him as he meets the hurt and confused gaze of his squad, he has never wanted anything more than for his life to just stop.

‘New life new her’ they had agreed, meaning that they could tolerate her presence, now their captain dating their fucking murderer. He berates himself internally, hands gripping his coffee mug and letting the hot porcelain burn him. Nothing could hurt worse than what he is about to go through.

No one had said anything yet, they were still trying to process it. They weren’t ready. None of them were.

He was trying to process who he would have to choose.

Gunther doesn’t say anything, he never does say much, but especially not around strangers. The way he looks at him tells Levi everything he needs to know.

Erd is trying to be diplomatic about this, but even he is hesitant. Auruo doesn’t seem to know what to believe anymore, constantly torn between looking from Petra, to Levi, to _her._

Annie meets their gazes with the same iron will Levi does.

Petra’s cheeks were red, her first reaction an anger that bled down into a confused hurt she had no name for.

He is an inch from a panic attack and it burns in his throat hotter than the coffee that burns his hand.

They’re waiting: Gunther, Auruo, and Petra, for Erd to say something. He was Levi’s second in command, in the event that Levi is either unfit to lead, dead, or missing, they are to fall back to Erd’s command. They can’t trust him anymore and it hurts.

“How long?” Erd is the one to break the silence, as expected. His voice is withdrawn, somber; cautious in ways it should never have had to be with him.

He swallows but he cannot rid his throat of the knot within it. “Around six months.”

Six months that they have been dating, even longer still since they had been talking.

He can hear Auruo repeat the number, disbelief morphing quickly to anger.

“Were you ever planning on telling us?” Erd remains calm, tries to set an example.

“Yes,” He wonders who that is talking. He is, Levi realizes, recognizing the voice as his own. His panic attack is getting worse, he can’t breath. “-when I thought all of you were ready.”

“When _you_ thought _we_ we’re ready.” Auruo spits it out like it’s stabbed him, sounding incredulous. In a way, Levi supposes, it has.

It is hardest for Auruo, it has to be, Levi knows he died last. The very person he swore to follow forever is dating the monster that killed his closest friends before his very eyes.

Levi had stepped down a path he cannot follow him on.

“Ready for what? To find out that you’re dating-” He runs through several things in a flash of a second, face twisting to gesture to Annie with a stressed movement. “- _her?_!”

Annie flinches beside him. This is going exactly how he never wanted it to go.

Petra tries for the most part, softly saying his name to try and calm him, but even she cannot do this right now.

“I didn’t want to do this too soon-”

“So what were you going to try ‘n do? Ease us into the fact that you were dating her?” In a way Auruo sounds hysterical, voice raising and starting to crack.

“I just wanted to make sure everyone involved was ready before I-”

“You don’t just become ready for this!” They’re going to cause a scene, but he cannot think of that now. They’re in a more secluded area, so hopefully it won’t be too noticeable. His thoughts are so disorganized and his priorities are scrambled.

“Because-”

“Because what-”

“Because I wasn’t ready.”

It’s loud even to his own ears, nails scratching against the table, his hands reminiscent of claws. Surely, that couldn’t have been his voice. Years of smoking and practice had deepened his voice considerable, and he could normally keep it at that pitch. But in in a flash that is gone as it cracks mid sentence and goes higher, panicked. He’s scared.

Auruo stops, face still twisted into anger and _hurt_ but it softens then, because Levi is never open with emotions, because Levi is never bothered enough to lose control.

He’s never truly had control, just rented it from other people.

The silence is tense once again because it is shifting again, new cards are on the table, new risks are making themselves known.

Annie hesitates, but Levi needs her.

Slowly, her hand moves from where it was balled into a fist in her lap, reaching out towards where Levi’s hand is shaking on the table. This action is not, unnoticed, and everyone seems to stall with bated breath as she rests her hand on top of his, pushing her fingers in the open spaces between his and squeezing softly.

For the first time since this hell has happened, Levi looks at her. Away from his squad, away from the world, and looks at her.

And it’s Erd and Gunther’s turn to suck in a sharp breath, because they have seen that look before.

Levi’s gaze is almost searching, he is so open right now it scares them. They don’t know what he finds in her eyes, but it calms him, and his shaking stops.

They have seen that look before, every time Petra looks away and Auruo stares hopelessly lovestruck at her. Every time they bicker and the light dances in their eyes showing that they were alive. He loves her. And if the desperate look she can no longer hide as they both turn to look at them all again shines through, she loves him too.

Erd lets out a deep sigh, hand going back to run through his hair. He want’s to say something, is on the verge of it when Annie beats him too it.

“I am…” Her voice is shaky, swallowing back her nerves. Her mask is falling, and in it’s place is only raw emotion. “-so sorry.”

The anger that shows itself in Auruo fizzles slightly, before coming back hotter. “Sorry doesn’t-”

“I know.” She interrupts, choking back a sob as tears build up in the corner of her eyes. “I know sorry doesn’t make up for what I did. But I am… I am so sorry.”

She pulls her hand away from Levi’s to rub at her eyes, and he does not chase after her hand with his own. He does not comfort her, does not offer any words of encouragement. He cannot promise that this will be okay; that’s not his decision to make.

“I killed all of you and so many other people for what ended up being no reason. You were so happy together and I ruined that just like I am now I am-” She can’t keep talking, she’s crying to hard to breath right.

“Sorry isn’t going to make us forgive you.”

“I’m not asking you to forgive me.” She chokes on it, and Levi hurts for her. He wants to calm her down, to tell her that it will be okay. They know better than to lie to each other.

“I’m not asking you to forgive me.” She repeats, taking a gasping breath, seemingly giving up on wiping the tears away. “But I want you to know that I’m _sorry._ ”

Auruo falters in it, he has never been one to like seeing people cry, especially not women. But he tries, he tries so hard to be angry, but it falls through.

“If you hadn’t crystalized, you would have been able to live a long healthy life without having to worry about anything.”

It is a last ditch effort to find something to dig into her for, and slowly she shakes her head through the sobs, face buried in her hands.

She takes a minute longer, trying to compose herself before looking towards Levi questioningly.

“You didn’t?”

And he shakes his head.

“Didn’t what?”

It’s the first time Petra had spoken since this, and he knows exactly what they’re thinking of; what other secrets are they hiding?

Annie clears her throat, coughing into the crook of her elbow before looking up again, her pale skin blotchy and red with tears.

“When a-- when a titan shifter is injected and you shift the first time you… you can only live around 13 more years. I--”

And mercifully, she calms, taking a few deep breaths and mustering the strength to wipe her eyes for a final time. And then she laughs, bitterly and reminiscently, she laughs.

“I would have only lived to be 22 before...”

And it is silent, silent and aching and Levi had left that out, had withheld most details about the past life, as if talking too much about it would bring it all back.

And everyone does the math, he has mentioned it was like mind control, but now they knew more of it, more of the extent. That she had been training since at least 9, most likely earlier. The tension leaves the air and every bit of anger in Auruo dies.

He has younger brothers, and the idea of them being used as a weapon, trained and then with their life-span shortened kills him.

“They injected you when you were 9?”

“Yeah…”

“That’s fucked up.”

And she laughs again, a hardened sadness in her eyes slipping away under the mask of indifference, a mask she had missed. “Yeah it is.”

“You didn’t mention that.”

Petra is barely louder than a breath, stray tears on her cheeks quickly brushed aside as she turned to Levi, looking towards him with a stubbornness that he knows means he won’t be able to evade the question.

If Annie had it happen, then Eren too wouldn’t have lasted long. It hurts.

Levi looks to Annie again, and they communicate wordlessly, a true show of how deep their bond runs before Annie clears her throat and looks to Petra.

“I don’t… want you to forgive me because you pity me.”

That was something they hadn’t considered, something that was coming to light now.

“What I did was still awful, even if I didn’t… even if it, yeah. It was awful.”

She can’t compose her thoughts, crying has taken a lot out of her.

“I want you to forgive me because you forgive me, not because I was just some fucked up kid.”

Thing have carried over from their past life, the desire to find one another, mannerisms, even ways of doing things. The way the 4 of them can communicate soundlessly is another one of them. Their eyes search for each other, meeting with Erd while they question and answer and question some more in the span of seconds.

Even now they communicate as a unit.

Erd sighs again, making his expression as stern as he can, looking between the two on the opposite end of the table. “You’re serious about this?”

Two nods.

The panic Levi had felt earlier rushes over him again like a wave, this could either make or breath his life. The knot in his throat tightens, gripping his throat so hard it felt like it might crush under the weight of it. He can’t breath.

“This is a new life.” He begins, pushing through his hesitation to answer the shockingly desperate question in Levi’s eyes. “New you, new beginnings, new experiences..”

His face stretches into a grin, a tired but kind expression on his face. “Let’s make it a good one.”

The knot breaks and air floods into his lungs; the high of it all reminds him of the 3DMG.

~~~~

It’s strange, sitting there drinking coffee and talking. Not just because it was Annie, but because she’s in their group now and she fits. She fits at Levi’s side and he fits at hers, silent but oh so talkative in the way they touch and poke at each other.

Annie grabs for Levi’s drink, completely ignoring her own mocha in favor of Levi’s french vanilla. Levi just mutters “coffee thief” under his breath, but everyone can tell it is more affection than malice.

And they talk. About everything and everything, about their relationship, how well it was going, what they did. They had missed out on so much of Levi’s life in the span of those six months and they were determined to get them back.

This is a new life, everyone has another chance at happiness. Including Annie and Levi, and god does she make him happy.

It makes them wonder how they never noticed the way his lips would twitch up while glancing at his phone, waiting for his latest message from the “coffee thief” or how he seemed happier these days. They feel like fools.

The topic switches back to the events of their past life, dancing around wounds still too raw to check before Annie goes “'Murderer' who?” acting completely confused as she takes a sip of her mocha, slight frown on her face. “I don’t know her.”

And Levi snorts, hand moving up to cover his mouth as he doubles over and _laughs_.

They could never have taken this away from him.

~~~~

They part later that day on good terms, with promises to meet up next week. It’s so easy for Annie and Levi to fall into step beside each other, talking softly and pressing closer than necessary as they walk to Levi’s car, ignoring the bitter chill of the wind. Thankfully Reiner had picked her up this morning; she’d be able to ride back to their apartment with Levi.

When they do get home, they both all but collapse on the couch in the living room, clinging to each other and just breathing.

They smell like coffee and smoke and _fall_ and it’s too much, it’s barely 2 pm and today had already been too much. He almost lost her, she almost lost him, it was too much. So they wrap themselves around each other, grabbing a blanket to accompany them on the couch and settling in to watch more horror movies.

“I’m going to kill Reiner.” Annie mumbles against his neck hours later, pausing to nip at the soft skin before sucking a hickey into it for no other reason than because she could.  
“Yeah.” Levi agrees, letting the apparent vampire in his lap attack his neck as she saw fit, arm wrapped around her waist to keep her close.

“Can I help?”

“Absolutely.”


End file.
